Mopeds were fucking sweet when I was younger. I never owned one,  but lucky for me Benny Snyder (a neighborhood kid) had about 60 of them. I didn't know the Snyder family all that well, but I'm guessing they didn't give a gram of fuck about anything because everyone was always borrowing their mopeds.

You see, mopeds were sweet when you're a kid because while everybody else 15 and younger is stuck peddling their happy ass along on a bike at 15 mph, you're zipping around like the gods intended at double speed. Man did it drive the ladies crazy.

One day I was riding bitch on one of benny's mopeds with my good friend greg when we came across a glorious row of traffic cones in a line that went on for ever. What do you do as a 14 and 15 year old when you stumble onto something so beautiful? So we're kicking over the parking cones when we reach the top of the hill only to find the traffic crew still putting them in place on the other side. As you can imagine, they were none to happy. They yelled for us to stop as we were approached. Without missing a beat Greg shouts "NO BREAKS!!!", and construction workers parted like the Red Sea. Holy shit, you should have seen their fucking faces. Man, I thought the "No breaks" shit only worked in the movies.The police man who pulled us over a few blocks later made us walk the moped back to my friend's house. That part sucked a bowl of dicks, but the rest of it was pretty gangster. Now, as an adult if I was to ride a moped i'd look like a pedophile or a convicted drunk driver...But man were they fuckin' awesome as a kid.